


Beautifully Unfinished

by OnTheGround2012



Series: All I Saw Was You [4]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Amnesia, Angst, Attraction, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fanart, Future Fic, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by Music, M/M, Marriage, Mpreg, Nobody is Dead, One-Sided Attraction, Questions, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-17
Updated: 2014-12-17
Packaged: 2018-03-01 22:21:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2789777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnTheGround2012/pseuds/OnTheGround2012
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Nothing has changed. If anything, it has only gotten weirder."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beautifully Unfinished

**Author's Note:**

> I'd really love it if you let me know what you think... or if you like it. Kudos are lovely too.
> 
> Thanks so much to:
> 
> * [moodycactus](http://archiveofourown.org/works/search?utf8=%E2%9C%93&work_search%5Bquery%5D=moodycactus) and [wheretimeisneverplanned](http://wheretimeisneverplanned.tumblr.com/) for their great beta work, I couldn't have posted this without them.
> 
> * [tryslora](http://archiveofourown.org/users/tryslora/pseuds/tryslora) for helping me with doubts as usual.  
> 

                                                                       

 

 

It's 8.20 am on Saturday, three weeks after they got back from the hospital, when Jackson finishes doing the laundry. Because when he can't sleep, as it's been happening since he's not sleeping in his bed, he'd rather do something useful than listen to Stiles's heartbeat while he lays staring at the ceiling. The thing is that his heartbeat doesn't calm him like it used to, now it only makes Jackson restless.

He gathers all the carefully folded clothes and leaves his own piled on his bed with some of Daniel's which he'll leave at his room later. Then he takes Stiles's clothes and goes to his room expecting to find it dark with Stiles still sleeping. If he had paid attention to Stiles’s breathing, he'd have known he was awake, but he's trying pretty hard to disconnect from upstairs and focus on any other thing he can think of.

When he enters the room the bed is empty. Daylight’s starting to come through the window and the light is on in the bathroom next to the closet. He goes to put the clothes away and as he passes in front of the bathroom he can see Stiles looking at himself in the mirror, carefully shaving.

Jackson is transfixed for a moment. It's like going back in time. Stiles looks beautiful. He's freshly showered, almost naked, in just his briefs, skin flushed after the hot water, messy wet hair in all directions, broad shoulders and muscles already recovered from the accident, the familiar smell of Stiles's shampoo filling instantly his senses. And this is how it used to be. Only they would shower together when they had time and they would shave together afterwards. It was his favorite moment of the day and he misses it. He wants it back so badly.

It's just a minute but it's enough. He might have stopped breathing, afraid that if he moved, the moment would be gone. Jackson feels his heart beating faster. His wolf wants him to reach out so desperately that he can barely stop himself from moving, from reaching out and embrace him from behind like he has a million times. He wants to touch his skin and bite his shoulder. He wants to smell the scent on his neck and never let go. But he can't, just like he can't stop staring either.

A minute later, Stiles realises he's not alone. He looks at Jackson from the mirror and their eyes meet. Stiles puts the razor down, and rests his hand on the counter.

It's such a strange feeling. After all these years he’s known Stiles, he can tell what his mate is feeling just by looking at him, he can feel the rejection radiating from him. His husband is uncomfortable and embarrassed in front of him and his wolf wants to scream with despair. So Jackson looks away first, he turns around and leaves without a word dropping the clothes he was holding on the bed. Stiles doesn't call after him or tries to stop him and he's thankful for that. He wouldn't have known what to say.

 

_______________________________________

 

Jackson is at his desk in his office at home going through some documents of his new trial, when Stiles bursts in and he's kind of nervous, which he's sure Jackson will probably notice.

"Are you busy?"

"Actually yeah, I am, but it can wait, don't worry. What's going on?"

“Really?" Stiles asks, looking uneasy.

"Yeah. Just tell me." Jackson leaves the folder on the desk and leans back in his chair, focusing all his attention on Stiles.

"Okay. Well, what would you say if I told you that I'd like to stay with my father for a week... or two?" Stiles touches his left ear and his neck, nervously avoiding Jackson eyes.

"What do you mean?" Jackson frowns. "Why do you wanna go?"

"Well," Stiles spreads his right arm, "I've not seen him since we left the hospital and there are things I'd like to ask him, and I miss my house and my room... and I don't know. I feel like I need to go back there for a few days at least."

 _My house, my room_. Jackson will never get used to that. "Stiles, this is your house," Jackson spreads both arms. "You chose this house... with me."

"God Jackson, you know what I fucking mean." Stiles bites his lip.

"Yeah I know what you mean, perfectly. And I don't want to argue with you."

"So you're okay with it?"

"Do I want you to go? No, of course I don't want you to go," Jackson says matter-of-factly. "I've never lied to you and I'm not starting now. You already knew my answer and that's why you were afraid to ask me... which by the way, is stupid because you don't have to be afraid of me. _Ever_."

"I'm _not_ afraid of you." Stiles shakes his head.

Jackson doesn't reply. He simply looks at him with an intense gaze that makes Stiles more nervous.

"I'm _not_." Stiles waves his arms before closing them in a defensive position.

"Okay. I hope so because I'm your husband and I'd kill anybody who tried to hurt you. You need to know that." Because he's not sure what Stiles knows and doesn't anymore.

Stiles is speechless for a moment. Sometimes Jackson says these shocking things that blindside him, every time.

"And have you?" says Stiles, his voice a whisper.

Jackson stares at him, not sure what he means exactly.

"I mean, have you killed anybody?" Stiles clarifies.

And that is a question Jackson didn't expect and probably should have.

"No. Not since becoming a wolf, no. I've been in some fights and yeah, I've hurt people... wolves mostly... but I haven’t ended anyone’s life... still, I'd do it if there was no other choice; and I'd do it to protect you or our family."

Stiles has a knot in his throat. He's not sure why he asked but this is something he needed to know. And he can't deny it, it feels good to know that somebody has your back.

"So, anyway, you already knew how I felt when you came in here. And I'm just your husband," sarcasm dripping from his voice. "You are not a wolf and I'm not your alpha. I can't tell you what to do. If you wanna go, go." Jackson gestures towards the door of the office. "I can't stop you," he adds quietly.

"God. I know you can't stop me. I'm not asking you for permission, I just don't want you to think that I'm leaving or something."

Jackson smiles wryly. "You aren't?"

"Shit. No, Jackson, I'm not. It's just for a few days."

"Whatever you say." Jackson looks away from Stiles and looks at the documents on the desk again. "And when are you going?"

"I thought tomorrow morning. I need to phone my father and let him know. I also need to tell Daniel --"

"No," Jackson interrupts him. "It's better that I tell him. Trust me, it's better that I handle it."

"Okay, if you insist --"

"I do. He'll start asking you questions and believe me, he'll take it better from me."

"You're probably right." Because if anything is true is that Jackson knows his son and he's still learning the most simple things. "I'll leave you to your work now."

"Yeah. Okay. Close the door behind you please."

And Stiles does exactly that. He closes the door and Jackson doesn't get any work done. He does something he's done a lot since the accident. He opens his laptop and selects a video of their holidays. It doesn't take long before he can't stop some tears from falling over his cheeks and afterwards he wonders why he keeps torturing himself.

 

_______________________________________

 

Scott stops the match he was watching and gets up to open the door.

"Hey Jackson, what are you doing here?" Scott asks, obviously surprised.

"I was gonna text you but I was close... actually I was just at my parents so I thought I could just stop by and see if you were at home."

"Yeah, man, I was just watching a game. Allison went shopping with Andrea and I don't think they'll be here for lunch. But come in," Scott steps aside and lets Jackson come in to the dining room, "have a seat," he says, pointing to the big couch in front of the television. "Would you like something to drink?"

"Yeah, just water, please."

"Oh yeah, I know, no alcohol. It must suck, huh?" Scott says, as he grabs a beer for himself and a small bottle of water from the fridge.

He hands it to Jackson. "I have orange juice or tea as well if you want."

"No, that's okay. Thank you." Jackson opens it and takes a long drink while Scott sits on the opposite side of the coach and turns off the television.

"Yeah, it kinda sucks," Jackson continues, "but that's how it is, you get used it. And it's only for nine months, so it's not as bad as it seems."

Scott nods, "I guess it isn't but still, you know I think it's amazing that you're doing it a second time."

Jackson snorts and leaves the water in the small table in front of him. "I know. I didn't think it was gonna happen. Stiles wanted it so much. It's hard to say no to him... and don't misunderstand me, now I want this child more than anything but I'd be lying if I said I was sure."

"You had every right not to be sure after what happened."

"I don't know. I just..." Jackson shakes his head. "This is gonna sound terrible but I'm starting to think it wasn't the right decision."

"What are you talking about? Is that why you're here?"

"Yeah. Stiles left," he sighs. "He's gone."

"What..." Scott stammers, "what do you mean he's gone?"

"He's not at home. He's at the Sheriff's."

"What?" Scott runs his fingers through his hair pushing it back from his eyes. "When? Why?" he says louder than he intended.

"This morning." Jackson licks his lips and sighs, "he basically asked me yesterday if he could go back to his house... like he needed my permission to go."

Scott shakes his head because it's frustrating. "And what did you say?"

"What did you expect me to say?" Jackson leaves the water on the coffee table. "I said I didn't want him to go but I don't control him. I can't tell him what to do. Besides, he wanted to go, you know how he is, he was gonna go no matter what I said."

"But is he just visiting his father? What's he doing there? How long is he staying?"

"A week, a couple of weeks... forever... what the fuck do I know? He said he wants to talk to his father and just stay home for a few days. Because you know, that's _his house_ in his mind. No matter how long he lives in our house, he doesn't feel at home there. He's just... like a visitor... some kind of guest who spends the night." Jackson says bitterly.

"Shit. He hasn't told me anything. I didn't know he wanted to go to his dad's. I need to talk to him."

"Yeah, that's why I said that. This baby," Jackson touches his stomach with his right hand, "he doesn't want it and he doesn't want Daniel. I know how it sounds, but he doesn't feel anything for him, just like he doesn't feel anything for me. I can't keep him at home if he doesn't wanna be there. I can't do that to him. It's not right."

"Jackson, it's only been three weeks, you have to give it time. You know what the doctors said."

"Oh yeah, that he may never recover his memory, that's what they said. You don't understand it," Jackson shakes his head, "I'm trying... _really hard_ , everyday fucking day, to be understanding, to be patient, to be the kind of person I'm supposed to be... because I want him back." He runs his fingers through his hair as he tries to stay calm. "I want _my husband_ back but nothing is happening. Do you get it? He's not better and Daniel knows that something is wrong. He doesn't treat him the same way... he doesn't know how to treat him because he's a fucking teenager... I mean, I can't imagine myself with a child either when I was sixteen. I can't blame him and I honestly don't know what to do."

"Does he play with him? What does he do?"

"Yeah, sometimes. He's read to him at night too but I don't think he _enjoys_ it... if that's even the word." Jackson sighs, "I know he's trying. But he doesn't talk to me about it. I think he's afraid of hurting my feelings if he says he doesn't feel anything for his son, y'know?"

"I can talk to him if you want."

"Do what you want but it doesn't matter. It's not gonna change anything. Before I married him I never thought I'd be a father, and then he wanted children and somehow he convinced me I could actually be a good father. It was his fucking idea and we did it and I've never once regretted that decision --"

"Until now?"

"Yeah, until now. I _never_ wanted to be a single father."

"But Jackson, you are _not_ a single father. Stop saying that." Scott leaves the beer on the table.

Jackson snorts, "Oh but I am. He's not interested in giving Daniel a bath or feeding him. He doesn't feel a connection to him, and what do you think is gonna happen when the baby is born? I can't exactly see him changing diapers either. He's not interested in being a father and there's nothing anybody can do about that."

Jackson is silent after that. He closes his eyes and rests his head on the couch.

"So..." Scott continues. "Things between you two haven't changed at all?"

Jackson simply shakes his head at first. "Nope." He opens his eyes and looks at the ceiling. "Nothing has changed. If anything, it has only gotten weirder."

"Weirder?"

"Yeah," Jackson snorts, "I don't know. It's like living with another person. He's never been shy and you know how he is... he's a very tactile person. I mean, you've seen us together for years..."

"Sure," Scott nods.

"Now he won't touch me. And he's afraid to be close to me." Jackson snorts again. "I..." he stammers, "I don't know what he's afraid of. I think he's afraid of feeling something he doesn't want to feel."

"For what you told me, I thought things got better before he left the hospital."

"Well, I did too. I thought we had made some kind of _progress_ or something. I thought... I thought he _got it_ , you know? But when we got home things stayed the same."

"Have you asked him about it?"

"Are you kidding? What do you want me to say? Please let me touch you because this is killing me?" Jackson says rolling his eyes.

"I don't know, man." Scott tosses his hands in the air. "You shouldn't ask me for advice," he points at himself. "I'm as lost about this shit as you are."

"Well, I can't ask Danny, that's for sure. He doesn't get it."

"Because he isn't a wolf?"

"Yeah. He doesn't get how it feels when your mate rejects you. He doesn't see that you can't control it. He can't understand that I think about him all the fucking time... I see him when I get up, I see him when I'm driving, when I'm at work, when I'm trying to sleep on that fucking sofa. He's all I think about and Danny... well, he _doesn't_ get it."

"I don't know if I should tell you this..." Jackson smiles wryly and shakes his head... the truth is that he needs to tell somebody. "So, this morning after doing the laundry, I brought Stiles's clothes to his room in case he wanted to take any of them to his dad's. I thought he was sleeping but he wasn't. He was shaving..." Jackson can't help but smile as he remembers.

"Oh god..." Scott shakes his head as he wonders if he needs to hear this.

"The door was open and... I couldn't help it, okay? He saw me staring at him before I left... he _knew_ what I was thinking and he was uncomfortable and _embarrassed_ ," Jackson looks away from the Scott, "and my wolf wanted to fucking scream in return... it was --"

"Hell, Jackson," Scott bites his lip. He can only imagine what it must be like going through all that shit.

"I know you get it, and Danny... well, he doesn't... he thinks if things don't work out with your mate, you break it off and you look for somebody else. Like I said, he doesn't get it. and I can't talk to him about it."

"I think you need to talk to Derek. He's the only one who can probably help you."

"Yeah. I've thought about that. I guess I was just waiting... trying to avoid that conversation but there's no way out of it now."

"Man, whatever you do, don't give up on him. I know you're going through hell right now but he's your mate. Yes, he doesn't remember it but you're everything to him and you need to stay strong. He needs you even if he can't see it right now."

"I'm never giving up on him, but what happens if he gives up on me?"

Jackson rests his elbows on his knees and buries his face in his hands.

"This is so fucked up," Scott sighs. "So Daniel is with your parents now? Is that why you were there?"

"Yeah, he's spending the weekend," Jackson looks at Scott again, "my parents were happy to have him and I think it's gonna be good for me too. I mean, Derek called me the other day asking how things were and if I would be going to the meeting tonight. I said I wasn't sure but the truth is I wanna go. I haven't gone since the accident so I'm going... and running too." Jackson closes his eyes and sighs, _god knows his wolf fucking needs it_.

"Are you sure? Like you said... it's been a while."

"Yeah, I'm sure, I need to be part of the pack again." Jackson wanted to feel like a part of something again.

"Jackson, you don't need to be there to be part of the pack, you know that."

"Yeah, sure. Tell that to Derek. He wouldn't have called if he didn't want me there."

"Of course, he wants you there. He wants you and Stiles there, but if you're not okay, you don't have to go."

"Well, Stiles is _not_ going so I'm going." Jackson crosses his arms.

"Okay," Scott nods, "I'm not telling you what to do. If you wanna come back, everybody will be happy to see you. And, y'know, talking to Derek is probably the best you can do right now. I mean, you see him now with Kane and it's easy to forget about it but he's been through hell and back. If anybody knows what you're going through that's him. Maybe he could talk to Stiles too?"

"I don't know what he could possibly tell him that could help..." Jackson sighs, "it's ironic... when we started dating, Derek didn't exactly like it and now he's gonna talk to him about us? It's kind of insane."

"Yeah, Derek, the new love advisor of Beacon Hills... Who could have guessed that?"

Jackson snorts, "If you had told me I'd be having this conversation with Derek thirteen years ago I'd have never believed you, so just imagine how Stiles is gonna feel..." Jackson says looking at his watch. "Anyway, I'm gonna go, I have tons of stuff to do at home." Jackson gets up and heads to the door followed by Scott. "I'll see you tonight."

"Okay, man. I'll see you later." Scott pats Jackson's shoulder before opening the door. "Let me know how things go with Derek."

“Yeah, sure,” Jackson says looking dejected.

Jackson leaves and Scott closes the door behind him wishing, once again, that there was something he could do to help him.

**Author's Note:**

> * This part was inspired by the lyrics of Ella Henderson's ["Beautifully Unfinished"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5CbplpDe4k) and Union J's ["Where Are You Now."](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmYqR7H9_wQ)
> 
> * After all the problems I've had to get this part betaed, I hope some people will like it. Once again, this has been a challenge for me. I wasn't sure I was going to continue but those songs inspired me and this is the result. I might continue depending on the feedback, I'm not sure.
> 
> * You can find me [on tumblr.](http://otg2012.tumblr.com/)  
> 


End file.
